Decisions

I was raised and my mind tempered on mighty tales.  Some of them simple fiction while some of them glorified stories of family hardship during times that were and are only history to me.  These also crafted the ideas and dreams of who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go.  Now as an adult I see myself in a duality fashion.  Who I am and still who I truly want to be.  Parts of who I wish to be may never come to existence because they do not have a place in our world and only can be in my world.  Other parts are possible but with sacrifice.

I started looking at those dreams born and died.  Also those dreams that now I only cling to by a skein.  A skein so fine that with out diligence they are slipping ever closer to destruction.  So I had to wonder; why did it all begin to slip?  Why did I allow it all to slide?   Some of it was of course change in environment that caused some comfort, but that was only a small part.  There is also fear, doubt, a misconceived since of failure, and a terrible sense of loss.  But where did the sense of loss come from?  I have not truly lost anything so it is anther misconceived creation of my mind.  Unless the loss is simple what I have let go for the sake of stability and “life.”

In many cases with nature something has to die for another to live.  Thus I am left with the dilemma of what has to be sacrificed so the glimmering hopes of dreams my once again rise and blossom.  I have to do something for I’m split into a destructive situation where part of me is happy and content on the way things have happened while the other part just as equally strong is depressed and angry while condemning me for what I’ve let happen or the lack there of.